We are so alike, passionate, so i'm worried i'm gonna blow it with my big gob, getting all emotional. My husband said she gonna go back i have to except it.
From the sound of it, your husband may be right. It sounds like she's made up her mind and wants to go back. All you can do is let her know that no matter what direction she goes, you'll always be her Mom no matter what.
If she goes back and gets reinstated, it doesn't mean that's the end of the story. If she's reinstated, she can have the best of both worlds if she decides to fade someday.
Perhaps you can try some reverse psychology on her such as:
"I know you were quite lonely back when you when you considered yourself as doing better spiritually but if you think it's best to go back then of course I'll support your decision. There might be times when it will feel like your options are limited as far as meeting anyone and who knows how long this system will continue but if you've made up your mind to go back, that's your decision to make. I'm ok so long as you aren't being pressured or doing anything out of guilt or fear or that I will think poorly of you one way or the other."
As far as why she isn't being shunned, I'm baffled. As far as I know, this is highly unusual. They've said a lot lately about not even associating with DF'd family members unless absolutely necessary.